Finding Joy in Misery
by Kit Merlot
Summary: McDanno preslash:  Danny has to watch Steve lean on Joe, SEAL Team 9 and Catherine and he wonders when his friend will ever turn to him.


After all of the horrific events that happened to him in North Korea, Danny understood Steve's need to reconnect to his Navy ties, specifically to the SEALS. Steve had been through the ringer, emotionally and physically, and he reached out to the people who helped train him to endure all of the pain he'd suffered.

Danny knew that Joe White cared for Steve and that he wanted the best for him and Joe also had a history with Steve that would help the other man to unburden himself but Danny couldn't help but worry for his friend.

His mind was put to rest when Joe had unexpectedly shown up at Five-0's headquarters the Monday morning after they returned to Hawaii and asked to speak to Danny privately.

Danny ushered him into his office and he had just turned to ask Joe why he was here when Joe suddenly turned and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Steve's lucky to have you looking out for him."

Danny opened his mouth to reply when Joe continued speaking. "Don't worry, Danny, I'll make sure Steve comes back to you in one piece."

Then the Lieutenant Commander smiled and walked out as quickly as he entered.

Danny stood stock still, and then the full meaning of Joe's cryptic words hit him and he started to feel hopeful again, knowing that the man truly had Steve's best interests at heart.

Danny would forever be grateful that Steve had found someone to talk to, but he couldn't quite squash the part of him that wished Steve had turned to him first. He would never dream of asking why Steve preferred to talk to Joe or why he didn't want to talk to his friends at Five-0.

Lori had tried to ask Steve that very question, pointing out that she'd be the perfect person to help him because of her psychology background. Steve had listened to her, his expression calm, but when she finished her speech, and he told her to get back to profiling criminals, there had been no mistaking the steel in his voice.

Danny had felt sorry for her, knowing that she'd just wanted to help but she'd gone about it the wrong way. The worst thing anyone could do was to try and force Steve to confront issues he was not ready to face.

So Danny, Chin and Kono, being the good friends they were, sat back and watched Steve lean on his Navy friends and hoped he'd finally start to heal.

That left Danny with a Steve shaped hole in his and Grace's lives. He hadn't realized how much time his friend spent with him and Grace until Steve was no longer around. Grace was understandably confused as to why her beloved uncle was not around as much, but Danny made sure to explain that Steve needed help from his Navy friends and that he'd be back again, as good as new.

And oddly enough, Danny found himself making a new friend, or rather reconnecting with an old one.

He and Rachel had come through the worst time in their lives stronger and better friends then they'd been when they were first married,

It was Rachel that he leaned on when he was worried and Rachel that he found himself talking to about Steve.

One particular day he'd been bemoaning that he hadn't spoken to Steve in three days and Rachel had smiled sympathetically at him. "Danny, I know it's difficult but you need to keep the faith that you'll get your Commander back."

And truthfully, Steve was improving. His bruises had completely faded and the haunted look was slowly disappearing from his eyes. He'd even joined the rest of the team for beers after another case ended successfully and he'd organized a team barbeque for that coming Sunday afternoon.

Danny could see that the Steve he knew, the man he was beginning to realize he had deeper feelings for than just friendship, was coming back to him.

And then Catherine Rollins called.

Or rather, she texted, and as long as Danny lived, he didn't think he could ever forget the look of joy that crossed Steve's face and the corresponding feeling of disappointment that it wasn't him who made Steve smile like that.

He'd casually asked what was up, and Steve had grinned stupidly at him, exclaiming happily, "Cath's back in town."

Danny felt his heart sink, but he put on a brave front, congratulated Steve on getting his favorite Lieutenant back and then quickly walked out of Steve's office, swallowing his own misery.

He knew how close Steve and Catherine were; he'd heard Steve talk about her enough in this infuriatingly fond tone, and that any free time would be spent with her.

And it wasn't that he disliked Catherine—he'd actually only ever spoken to her once on the phone—and she had not only helped them solve their case but had also helped to save Steve's life. No, it was the fact that Steve obviously cared for her that was eating Danny up inside and that made him feel like the biggest jackass in the entire world.

It was time for him to get a goddamn grip on his emotions and actually be happy for his friend, be happy that the woman Steve obviously adored was back in town and wanting to spend time with him. Indeed, this was going to be the case for the foreseeable future because Catherine was back from Dubai and she was now permanently stationed at Pearl Harbor.

When Steve happily announced this, he had the woman in question glued to his side and Danny could feel his stomach drop. He pasted a smile on his face and wished Catherine well on her new assignment. He stepped to the side to let Chin and Kono offer their congratulations, and while his friends seemed genuinely happy, he also saw them shoot him concerned looks.

Danny shook his head at them and smiled again, with more warmth. He'd be happy for Steve, even if it killed him.

~*~

It had been weeks since Catherine's return, and just as Danny predicted, Steve spent pretty much all of his free time with her. And when Steve wasn't acting as Catherine's tour guide, showing her around the island, they were back at Steve's house.

The first time Danny had accidently overheard Steve mention "dinner at my place" he felt like he'd just been punched in the gut. He'd never felt this level of jealousy before, even when he'd first seen Rachel and Stan together right after the divorce and he didn't quite know how to handle it.

Although Steve still invited them all over for afternoon barbeques on the beach, and he still insisted that Danny bring Grace over whenever he wanted, the atmosphere felt different between them.

Before, there had been an awareness of something more that lingered whenever they smiled at each other too long, or their joking veered away from banter and into flirting. Now, the air felt heavy between them, like Danny couldn't take a deep breath, even if he tried.

Catherine's presence changed their dynamic, but Danny couldn't find it in him to dislike her. When he finally got to speak to her face to face, he found her intelligent, kind, and damn funny. She also had enough embarrassing Steve stories to secure his friendship for life.

Last weekend, Steve had the team over all to watch the New Jersey Devils attempt to trounce the Philadelphia Flyers—Danny was introducing his friends to the wonders of ice hockey when Catherine cornered him in Steve's kitchen, looking unexpectedly serious. "Steve told me what went down in North Korea."

She reached out and took his left hand in both of hers. "I'm glad he has such great friends look out for him." She squeezed his hand gently before whispering a quick "Thank you."

Danny shook his head at the memory because he remembered how happy they had all been that Steve was alive and well.

Now, all he felt was anger.

Just two weeks prior-TWO WEEKS-Grace had invited Steve to her school's Christmas pageant. Grace had been overcome with excitement that she'd been chosen to play the angel in the Nativity scene, and besides Danny, Rachel and Stan, she invited all of her _ohana_, and she especially wanted her Uncle Steve there. He'd gravely promised to be there and Grace believed him.

And now it was Sunday afternoon, hours after the pageant was over, and Uncle Steve hadn't made an appearance. He didn't call, or text, or email, or even fax. He just hadn't bothered to show up or even call to make an excuse for his absence.

At first, Danny had been genuinely worried, but then he remembered that Steve had mentioned that he and Catherine were going to Kona on Saturday.

Danny took one look at his daughter's downcast little face and he vowed that he was going to make Steve pay for hurting her. He and the rest of Grace's ohana would have a nice dinner at her favorite restaurant, even if it was the one with the singing wait staff, and tomorrow he would deal with one Steven J. McGarrett.

~*~

Unfortunately, he never got the chance to talk to Steve, because Five-0 caught a case involving the Governor's brother-in-law and arms shipments that left them running for the entire morning and most of the afternoon. They finally arrived back at the office in the early evening, tired but with the criminals successfully arrested and booked.

Steve had congratulated his team on a job well done but when he turned to go into his office, Danny could see that he has a visitor waiting for him.

Rachel met Danny's eyes and smiled briefly at him before turning her back on Steve and Danny saw her gesture to a person standing behind her. His beautiful daughter Grace stepped around her mom and he was unsurprised to see her looking so solemn, her brown eyes staring seriously into Steve's.

But before he could speak, Grace was already talking. "Where were you Uncle Steve? You missed my pageant and I wasn't able to give you the present I made for you." She handed him a small package wrapped in Christmas penguin paper and an entire ream of tape.

And before he could react she was out the door and ran to hug her dad. "Hi Danno, did you catch the bad guys?"

Danny smiled down at his daughter, but he could see how pale Steve had gotten. "I missed the pageant?" he heard Steve ask, looking wildly from one face to the other.

Danny knew the exact moment that Steve understood the magnitude of how badly he screwed up when he saw the truth in Danny and Grace's expressions. Steve tried to speak "Grace, I'm..."

But before he could get the words out Rachel walked out of Steve's office and announced that it was time for them to leave. Father and daughter exchanged a quick look and then all three made their way out of the office, none of them sparing Steve a look. Chin and Kono could see the pain on Steve's face and while they felt sorry for their friend, they knew his misery was of his own making.

They also turned and walked out of the office, and Steve was left alone with his thoughts.

~*~

Danny wasn't surprised that Steve didn't call him the previous night because he knew that the SEAL would spend the better part of his evening beating himself up for missing Grace's pageant.

He was, however, surprised to find Steve waiting for him in front of Grace's school the next day. Danny watched as Steve seemed to smile hesitantly as the Camaro pulled up to the school but he relaxed as soon as Grace waved at him. She jumped out of the car and ran up to hug him and Danny could see Steve crouch down to talk animatedly to her.

Danny stood a little distance off as his partner and daughter talked and their conversation lasted a good while. Finally, they stopped talking and Danny could see that Steve's eyes were filled with tears when he hugged Grace goodbye.

Danny smiled down at Grace as she and Steve came to stand next to Danny on the sidewalk. She pulled her dad down for a hug and whispered "He's a little upset, Dad. Go easy on him." He nodded, too astonished to speak and Grace waved at Steve again. "Bye, Uncle Steve! Take good care of Danno for me!"

Steve smiled gratefully at the little girl, thankful that she was giving him a second chance. He just hoped her father would.

He cleared his throat nervously, trying to think up a way to start the conversation, but Danny was already heading towards his car. "Danny wait," Steve called out, "don't leave yet!"

Danny just smiled exasperatedly at him. "I'm not leaving you goof, just moving my vehicle out of the fire lane and to a designated parking spot." He looked pointedly at Steve's truck. "Something the head of Five-0 should be encouraging ."

"Oh right," Steve mumbled sheepishly. He practically jumped into his truck to move it, anxious to begin his conversation with Danny but the ornament hanging from his rearview mirror caught his attention and he stared at it, mesmerized.

It was a Christmas ball with a picture of him, Grace, and Danny laminated onto it and it was the most beautiful thing Steve had ever seen. He reached out and gently ran his fingers over it, determined more than ever to win his family back. Grace had forgiven him, and now he just needed Danny to do the same.

He was shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of his phone ringing and he looked to see that it was Danny calling. "You okay in there princess?" He could hear Danny's amusement but underneath there was a hint of worry.

"Be right there, Danno" he answered back cheerfully. He quickly parked next to the Camaro and before his nerves could get the better of him, he stepped out onto the pavement.

But Danny was already on the move, "Let's go to the coffee shop across the street." He fixed Steve with a shrewd look. "I don't think we need to have one of our 'discussions' with impressionable ears nearby."

By the time they were seated with two steaming cups of Kona's finest blend in front of them, Steve was at a loss for words. How did he go about explaining himself, explaining his fears and worry to a man who practically embodied fearlessness? At least fearlessness when it came to the people he loved. Steve was in awe in how deeply and bravely Danny loved the people he considered "his" and Steve feared he wasn't up to the task.

Danny finally took pity on him and started the conversation. "Look Steve, I get that you want to spend as much time as you can with Catherine, but you can't make promises to Grace and then not follow through."

Steve was already shaking his head. "Danny, that isn't what happened."

Danny continued to speak, ignoring that Steve had tried to interrupt. "I get that the two of you want to pick up where your relationship left off, but there are people in your life who can't be easily discarded."

"Discarded?" Steve exclaimed, "Who said anything about discarding people?"

"And my nine year old daughter is one of them." Danny continued as though Steve had never spoken.

"Who is the other one?" Steve asked quietly.

"What?" Danny asked, just as started by the question as he was by the interruption.

"You said, 'there are people who can't be discarded and Grace is one of them.' " Steve fixed Danny with a steely gaze, hope at what his partner's words meant flaring in his veins. "Who is the other person?"

Danny could feel the butterflies in his stomach, the ones he had been doing battle with since he and Steve sat down, fluttering around like jack hammers. He took a deep breath and looked Steve straight in the eye. "Me, Steve. I was talking about you cutting me out of your life."

Steve was flabbergasted. "How could you think that? You're my best friend, not to mention my partner. I could never get rid of you!"

Danny rolled his eyes. "Well, I got to tell you buddy, you've been doing a fairly good impression of living without me for quite a while now."

Steve lowered his head uncomfortably. "I..." He swallowed hard and started again. "Cath was helping me figure some stuff out..." He lowered his voice before he could finish the last part. "Stuff about you."

He could see that his admission caught Danny off guard. "So when you missed Grace's pageant, you and Catherine weren't..." he trailed off when Steve shook his head. "I was in a meeting with Governor Denning that lasted the better part of the afternoon." He ducked his head down, shame written all over his face. "I completely forgot about Grace's show."

Danny reached out and tentatively wrapped his fingers around Steve's. "It was an honest mistake and unfortunately, work takes precedence to school shows."

Steve tightened his grip on Danny's hand. "I'm very lucky that Grace is so forgiving." He smiled nervously in his friend's direction. "I just hope her father will give me a second chance as well."

Danny nodded thoughtfully before finally speaking, "I think I can do that."

They laughed, and then Steve impulsively picked up Danny's hand and placed a gentle kiss on his knuckles. Danny shook his head, a blush spreading across his face as Steve grinned back, neither one letting go of the other's hand.

It was a new beginning for them, a new phase of their partnership and friendship. Danny nodded to himself again as he looked at his friend. He knew that neither one of them wanted to screw things up between them, but it was time for them to take a chance. Together.


End file.
